Haste
Heed these timeless words of advice and you won't believe the way your life will change! No, I'm not saying that you should miss the bus to work. I'm recommending that you actually think before you act. The fact is that most of what causes the need to rush is a result of having acted without proper forethought. "Show me someone who can't sit still, and I'll show you something trying to get out of its own way." - Raphael Sidelman Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Go Fishing Bear
You must forgive that silly bear. He’s ignorant through no fault of his own. How can he be expected to know that by way of working, humans are able to easily exchange slips of paper and/or electronic credits* for the full-strength pharmaceutical drugs, plastics, and agricultural and industrial chemicals that he is only able to ingest in diluted amounts, by way of catching and eating that fish? (*Note that I’m referring only to those slips of paper and/or electronic credits that their "public servants" allow them to keep, after having diluted the currency’s market value through taxation and inflation) Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Let's go
What else would we do when we got there? Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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I'll Fix it (pale skin female)
I can’t possibly be the only male who feels like she’s talking directly to me… Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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I'll Fix it (dark skin female)
I can’t possibly be the only male who feels like she’s talking directly to me… Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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I'll fix it (pale skin male)
Not surprisingly, the mainstream media has been highly critical of this design. The following quotes are just a few of their many instructive comments:
- "This is beyond the scope of a mere microaggression - an apparently straight, white male who's going to fix the problem! Seriously?"
- "Highly irresponsible to say the least. Where's the picture of a concerned member of Congress who's ready to take real action by raising the debt ceiling again, or by creating a blue ribbon panel to study the problem and provide expert advice on how to fix it?"
- "Management dropped the ball on this one - BIG TIME. What meaningful problem can a blue collar worker actually fix?
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I'll fix it (dark skin male)
Not surprisingly, the mainstream media has been highly critical of this design. The following quotes are just a few of their many instructive comments:
- "This is beyond the scope of a mere microaggression! Seriously, where does the privileged white guy who designed this shirt get off thinking that he has any understanding of the problems that dark skinned males face?
- "Highly irresponsible to say the least. Where's the picture of a concerned member of Congress who's ready to take real action by raising the debt ceiling again, or by creating a blue ribbon panel to study the problem and provide expert advice on how to fix it?"
- "Management dropped the ball on this one - BIG TIME. What meaningful problem can a blue collar worker actually fix?
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That!
Finally had enough? Wear this elegant design to prove that you're not just filing a complaint! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Mediocrity
"Of medium and unimpressive quality." The American Heritage Dictionary Please, be absolutely honest with yourself and endeavor to methodically answer the following question: What, if anything, might prevent the words "of medium and unimpressive quality" from being utilized in an accurate, objective, outside critique of you? Understand that, for those who will not allow such a characterization to apply to them, this assessment is an opportunity for growth and improvement. Understand that regardless of the rate at which we progress, those of us who continually strive to grow and improve cannot be accurately and objectively judged as mediocre. "Enthusiasm. Perseverance. One burns bright, the other long. Success is their uniform mixture." - Raphael Sidelman Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Releasing
If you're telling me that the fish is too small, I think I have a legitimate right to know why no one is throwing back those baby carrots or the mini cabbages they conveniently call "Brussels sprouts"! Remember, each laughter spawning t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you. Has anybody heard anything about the fish living near Chernobyl and Fukushima? I bet they've got some stuff growing 'round them parts that look like, well, other stuff that lives underwater... I mean, can shit really get much crazier looking than what was already out there? Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Roughing it
I don't get it either! What is there to not like about having rocks and twigs stabbing you in the ass and back while you get bitten up by the mosquitoes that followed you back into your lush digs after you got dressed, grabbed a flashlight, and then hiked around in a failed attempt to find a comfy place to squat down and shit? Remember, each Adirondack trail-worthy t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you! *BTW, if anyone wishes to send us a vintage-art-looking image of a male person of color that we can add to his own "Roughing it" t-shirt, we'll send you a couple of free t-shirts and we'll start selling the new design ASAP! (Plenty of time was spent searching for such an image; but, sadly, none could be found) Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Roughing it - female
I don't get it either! What is there to not like about having rocks and twigs stabbing you in the ass and back while you get bitten up by the mosquitoes that followed you back into your lush digs after you got dressed, grabbed a flashlight, and then hiked around in a failed attempt to find a comfy place to squat down and shit? Remember, each Adirondack trail-worthy t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you! *BTW, if anyone wishes to send us a vintage-art-looking image of a female person of color that we can add to her own "Roughing it" t-shirt, we'll send you a couple of free t-shirts and we'll start selling the new design ASAP! (Plenty of time was spent searching for such an image; but, sadly, none could be found) Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Whatever you say dear fishing (dark skin)
Don't even try to act like you aren't dying for one of these! Put aside your fears and facade of morality - do you know how many of these I've sold to religious leaders whose faith allows them to get laid? Word to the mother; wearing this t-shirt will actually help you get ass! You won't believe how those manipulators of your manhood will practically throw their delicate delta of deceit at you when they truly believe that you don't want it! Ask any guy who's gotten more than a little action in his day. I know it's almost an oxymoron, but if you could find an honest woman she'd admit that I speak the truth. The truth, my friends, is a unisex garment... and I just happen to be its personal clothier! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Whatever you say dear fishing (pale skin)
Don't even try to act like you aren't dying for one of these! Put aside your fears and facade of morality - do you know how many of these I've sold to religious leaders whose faith allows them to get laid? Word to the mother; wearing this t-shirt will actually help you get ass! You won't believe how those manipulators of your manhood will practically throw their delicate delta of deceit at you when they truly believe that you don't want it! Ask any guy who's gotten more than a little action in his day. I know it's almost an oxymoron, but if you could find an honest woman she'd admit that I speak the truth. The truth, my friends, is a unisex garment... and I just happen to be its personal clothier! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Whatever you say dear (dark skin)
Ladies (and those of you who identify as such), as you can see, your right to wear this gem of a phrase on a stylish t-shirt has been respectfully acknowledged and artistically upheld! I'll be the first to admit that there are plenty of pussies with a penis out there who are so far up your ass that your stomach hurts. Maybe those aren't menstrual cramps! (Did anyone else notice something telling within the first three letters of the word "menstrual"?) The truth, my friends, is a unisex garment... and I just happen to be its personal clothier! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com - they print and ship our products.
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Whatever you say dear (pale skin)
Ladies (and those of you who identify as such), as you can see, your right to wear this gem of a phrase on a stylish t-shirt has been respectfully acknowledged and artistically upheld! I'll be the first to admit that there are plenty of pussies with a penis out there who are so far up your ass that your stomach hurts. Maybe those aren't menstrual cramps! (Did anyone else notice something telling within the first three letters of the word "menstrual"?) The truth, my friends, is a unisex garment... and I just happen to be its personal clothier! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Go Fishing
No silly, the fish isn't saying that! I put the rascal there to give you a visual, so your mind wouldn't have to work too hard at conceptualizing what the shirt is trying to convey... Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Go hunting
What can I tell you, it's not my thing; but I will admit that if they could get the upper hand on us we'd be in for the kind of civil rights battle that would have even the greatest of pacifists pulling the trigger. Those hairy beasts eat conscientious objectors for breakfast! What? Don't confuse me with the fact that Deer are herbivores! (Talk about desperately needing a safe space or a gender neutral bathroom to duck into so as to protect the feelings and beliefs that I identify with!) Remember, each "trigger warning" worthy t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made just for you. Don't be a denier of the fact that your social climate will change for the better once you've been spotted wearing this culturally appropriating design! Buy two, in case the one you're wearing gets stolen! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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The speed limit classic
Don't let the fact that every fiber of your being is telling you to buy this kick ass t-shirt make you do anything you might regret... You can just tell people that you see wearing it how you really thought long and hard about buying it, but ultimately decided to defer because you need to keep saving up for the cherry Cadillac Cimarron you have your eye on. Listen up: if I even suspect that you were on the fence about this one, I'm not selling you the shirt! Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Scooter
That's right, show all those roughneck scofflaws that pocket protectors aren't just for pussies! You can also brag about the fact that your ride is no "Hog" when it comes to sipping on go-go juice! Remember, each recklessly humorous t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you. Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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Abstinence
*Note that this design is not intended to be taken as advice by anyone – especially minors and those who aren’t smart enough to take precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STD’s! Sure condoms are a drag, but then again, raising kids that you didn’t plan on having (with someone who you didn’t even dig looking at with the lights on during your three minute dance toward eternal bondage) shant be too cool either; especially when they gave you the clap, or worse… Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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WAR
Something is very wrong when I can't even get myself to write some nasty, albeit true, commentary on what the powers that should not be are doing to further destroy our nation! And other nations too! Remember, each pissed off t-shirt we sell is a custom printed t-shirt made to order just for you. Click the button to see it in other colors and to buy it on Spring.com – they print and ship our products.
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